Appointment Update...LC MENTIONED

[Holly]

Found nothing in the uterus. Had my levels checked again to make sure I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy. Levels came back today at 17 so no ectopic pregnancy and bleeding has started. Had to get poked 3 times to draw blood and had to get the rogam shot since DH and I have conflicting blood types I am sick of damned needles. Asked doctor why this keeps happening and he said I have what is called reduced fertility. WONDERFUL. What the hell does that mean exactly. Asked him if I should just give up hope on having another child and he told me no. Pissed at the world right now. Pissed at myself and my body. This might sound stupid but I really just don't want Peyton to be an only child. He is so good with other kids and babies and I know that he would be a great big brother. I just want to complete our family. In my mind that is having 2 babies and right now that just seems so far away.....Thanks for listening.

[Marisol8886]

im so sorry holly. its not stupid i know exactly how u feel, i really want my daughter to have a little brother or sister, she loves children too and shes so gentle, loving, caring. Dont feel bad, anger, sadness, frustration, thats all ok to feel right now. allow yourself to FEEL. cry if u must, yell, scream. let it all out. i truly believe God will give us the chance to complete our family one day. hang in there dear we're all here for u

[SnappyDragon]

Holly,

I remember feeling everything you are feeling right now, right after my first loss in 2006. I too, was mad, furious, jealous, angry--you name it, I probably felt it. I really hated the world at that point and I didn't want to be around anyone at all. I managed to escape for 2 weeks but then reality hit me and I had to answer the phone again, go to the grocery store, etc.

I hate that this is happening to you. It's such a low feeling that is really hard to get out of. We are here for you, remember that. If not for FAM (it isn't around now) I would have felt so much worse. I needed to talk and I needed to talk to women who knew what I was feeling.

Sending healing vibes your way.

[Dee B]

I am so sorry you are going through this Holly.
Everything you are feeling in normal, it will get easier and Peyton will be a big brother.
Take some time for yourself right now.
Dee